too little too much

Fears caused by something fierce. It's been a cold day this 2 days. I'm not sure is it the weather or is it me. Unable to digest the heat of the sunlight. Looking gloomy and unsure with decision making. Making decision that I wish I will not regret someday.I change my options of dress, change the menu of my favourite dishes,  change the colour of my lipsticks.Pretending to be something different, thou I may not be OK right now but soon I will be fine I just have to believe myself. Being insulted by other people that you may never know maybe something that I need to experience it. Therefore I must be strong and bare with it, thou come to think about it I'm still not able to digest the mistakes which I'm not sure what it is. But because of my existing this thing happen. I'm not able to blame anyone but myself. How ashamed I am with myself that I caused troubles     to other.It is not something that I wish or purposely did. If I ever did those kind of unforgiving mistakes, I am truly sorry. 

Deeper than it seem

I took a deep breath. Ignoring all the calls I got. I'm sorry dear friend.. I'm just not in the moment of talking to anyone. Trying to calm my self with this pain. The feeling that I never wish anybody else to taste it. Let me carry all the broken heart and the pain... Let me carry all..I may not look strong but I will not loose my spirit.. I have loose my will, my heart, my love,my vision and my way.. Yet I'm still breathing..thou it seem hard.. I try to breath it slowly. I know I might cry in the middle of the night thinking how the way turn up.. scared of the silence.. the long duration of paused.. but what hurt the most is being so close yet unable to reach it.. I am not ashamed of crying when I think of you, I could walk in the rain that don't bother me, Each time I pretend not loving you..it hurt the most..have so much to say and watching you walked away..Probably the best thing I will ever be is a memory. 

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have

I still remember the first time we went out together..I'm wearing a red shirt..you were wearing a maroon shirt. That is the moment when all this dramas came. The time we shares..the time I cried..the time we made jokes..It is all about the moment of being together. I never thought this day would come, you are the one apart of me.. I have to let go.. letting you go.. it burns and kill me inside..deep down I pray there still some smiles left for me..the memories that I wish you will never erase..This moment the feeling without you being on my side torn me apart...but I know the road that you choose did not heading towards me.. I'm just a coward that scared to face the reality..lost in the depth of my own illusion and believe, difficult enough to trust another chance when all I want is keeping all the moment. I may not be strong..but even so... there will be no choice for me.. if facing the reality alone is scary enough?? I believe so... but that is the only road that I have in this moment.....However it is still a pending farewell for me... I'm truly sorry...

Self Value

What is the most valuable norms that we search in person. Searching for beauties?! Is it all? Searching for the right attitude?? Therefor how do we find the most valuable quality in oneself... I believe that human are born different from each other, everybody have their own value. When we were born we have create our own roles in this world. Since birth we have played with people heart and emotion. If we didn't have the value we wont be able to play that part.No matter in which levels people graded us, we still have value.

It is true being judge by other people might lower down our believing in our own self value. Lets put it this way..people will judge you because they know how valuable you are and try to compete with it. :)

Barrier between Educator and students

Being an educator is something that I will never wish when I'm still a student. Yet unable to understand most of educator roles. Sometimes I wonder does education only work in institution only?? I believe that most of the things that I can learn and master is not necessary to be found in school or education institution.However these few years of teaching has taught me that education in a systematic system has amount of values.