Dreams during pregnancy

 During my first pregnancy, I had a beautiful dream where I have seen a big tree with blossom flowers all over it. I thought I'm going to have a girl. I even went for ultrasound at 19 weeks of pregnancy and the doctor said it is a girl. During my 28 weeks of pregnancy I was excited to try 4D ultrasound scanning. To my surprised, my baby is a BOY. I can see him clearly. Although some of the preparation bought have been for a girl but I was still happy that my baby is healthy.

After given birth for almost a year and half , I got pregnant again. I had been visited with dreams again. This time I dream of a gold necklace. I dreamt that I found a gold necklace and I'm so excited about it. I thought it's going to be a BOY again because I was told that if a pregnant lady dream about gold , she is going to have a baby boy. So during my 19 weeks of pregnancy I went for ultrasound and the doctor said it's a girl. Bit because of the wrong interpretation during my first pregnancy I did not believe it 100%. I waited until 26 weeks of pregnancy and went for 4D ultrasound. Okay, this time I can see clearly that my baby is a SHE. I'm so over excited because I have been hoping for a baby girl.

After my baby girl turned 3, I got pregnant again, ( being pregnant again this time is quite challenging, I feel weak most of the time). And during my 10 weeks of pregnancy I had a dream again. I dreamt that a gold bracelet is coming out from my mouth.  Although  I'm very excited with the dream, I wondered whether my baby is going to be a girl or boy. I have been hoping for another girl but even a boy would make us happy too. So I still have several months to go with my pregnancy to meet our third baby.

pregnant again.. feeling blessed

It's been quite sometimes since i'm updating anything on my blogs. Recently, I have received good new. I am about to be a mother. Since my first pregnancy didn't make it to the end, this news is very exciting for me.
Here I would like to share some symptoms that I face during my early pregnancy.

• Loosing Appetite

• Headache 

• Fever

• Cramp

• Sensitive Breast

• Miss period

If you are experiencing this kind of symptoms, maybe it is time for you to check your urine using UPT kit.

the weding 2013

On 24th November 2013. solemnization. Officially husband and wife. This is sweet memories at the end of 2013. Hopefully our love will last till jannah.
There are so many things that I must understand, tolerate and do as a wife now. I hope I will manage to be a good wife, mother, daughter and daughter in law and for the most as a muslim.

24th NOV 2012

Today is the day that I must determine and focus on one thing in life. FUTURE. It is a new beginning for me. Nevertheless to hesitate and think twice of the decision which is already made. There will be 10,000 good reasons for choosing this path. It is not as I have planned in the very beginning but God has better plan for me.I will always believe in God plan way better than mine. I will proceed this journey with courage and enjoy it.

It's been 27 years of living in this beautiful world yet unable to find the real mission in life. Sometimes, when i'm wondering alone, it just more confusing. Therefore the best way is not to over thinking of something that we are not sure.

drink, eat, sleep

laugh,shout,cry

Can we touch the sky?

It is impossible to touch the sky

But we can't stop from dreaming...

I wonder where dreams come from...

Magical world it is....

don't give up

When things go wrong as sometimes will,
When the road you trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you sit a bit,
REST if you must but don't you quit.

This is a poem which motivated me most. :)

I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both of us

It's weird how as time pass by the feelings are still the same. In the world that is so big and there so many people around you to be there by your side but you still wanting something that is in the past. Some people might say i'm ungrateful with things that I got. But in the heat of the moment the feelings are never change. It's to hard to erase the things that within you. 

He said

He said to me women beauty is only for one man that is her husband.
He said to me that there is no such a thing as LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE  in ISLAM.
He said to me LOVE AFTER MARRIAGE is the best thing in LIFE.
He said to me HE WILL TAKE CARE of ME.
He said to me HE LOVE ME.
He said to me HE WILL WAIT.
And I smile for things HE SAID.

Tribute to My Late Father

Tears in my eyes is always seen each time I think of how much I have lost. It was unforgettable morning for my family and I, we have lost The Man in the house, My Father. On 11.30 in the morning of 15th August 2012(26 Ramadhan) my father pass left us at the age of 66.

He is indeed a kind man and always believe in his principle.I will always love you Abah. Al-fatihah.

Ismail b. Ahmad.

MAKING CARD RAYA

Wah!!!!! Raya Celebration SPIRITS in TIME!!!.. Everyone is making card raya. Creative Card from ILS students, even with 'DUIT RAYA' also :) Congrats for everyone and SELAMAT HARI RAYA..

It takes Time

I am totally happy today :D Feel like smiling all day. Why??? Well it because my 'O' level student has improve!!!!! Its a good news for me for all the effort that me and my friends have done. At least our effort have shown some improvement now. This is really going to motivate me more to work hard and never give up. There is always HOPE as long as we want it and believing in it and we never stop reaching for it... Hopefully this progression will improve more and more :D Wahhhh.. i'm so excited!!! lol

If Only I Could Turn Back Time

Time pass by each day without acknowledge our existence at the end of the day is already a new day. There are things that we did that could never be reverse again. If asking me whether IF THE TIME COULD BE TURN OVER AGAIN what will I change?... Frankly speaking there are mistakes that I wish I never did and I wish that it never happened. However, I don't thing there anything I want to change even if I could turn back the time. THINGS happened for reasons. We met people that gave us love, made us smiled and laughed, caused us tears, been betrayed, been insulted and etc. These all to make us someone.We need to experience all these exchanging feelings and people we met to become someone better in future. I would said there are things that I regret and wish I never did but if so I wouldn't be the person I am now. We grown up in one step to another in life phases. I am very THANKFUL to ALLAH for blessing with many people that gave me uncountable memories and experiences. :) SMILES FOR BETTER FUTURE.

Making Decision

I'm not sure if making decision is something i'm good with. Confuse in choosing the path of my future. The time when i'm not ready and felt that those options are not important yet in my life. However life is not only about me and myself. It involves other people around me.The things that I wanted the most will put me away from all people that is bond to me. Relationship in human life are simple yet we making it complicated. The reason we do it just to questioning our own decision making.This is the time for me to make a decision not for the sake of myself only but for everyone. I must learn to put my priority away, to be able to tangle with task that will be more difficult in future. Making decision for your future will be difficult to deal with at first, but I will always believe that God knows better than me. If this is not what it meant for me than I shouldn't be worried about it.However I believe this is the best decision for me, first time I feel I has made a good decision. Choosing somebody not because of desire but because TRUST that you gave me. I may not be able to change and follow your way drastically but soon I will devoted my self with TRUST for you. :) I pray that this is the best for US and everyone.

We put trust on people that we love because we want to believe that faith is all in need. However once your trust has been broken, you may not become the same person to the person you love. You will never miss their jokes or appearance since your heart has erase all the feelings. It  became null. Thou there might be no vengeance or hatred but the love is lessen. You may said you still love the person but you know it in different way. It is the time you be ready to let go all of the love when you know it is no longer appreciates. Love comes and go. To make it last forever you have to always water it with trust and loyalty and together with compassion. If there is no longer exist between the two, there is no more hope and future in that kind of relationship. 

When one door is closed for us there always another door will open for us. However we tend to look at the closed door until we forgot to realize the door that has been waiting and open for us. I'm always acting that way and wondering why the door that I really want to enter is close for me.... Luckily now I realize it's time to be more alert with what we got. Not to push the door that is already closed and locked for us, just enter the door that is already been open for us :)

life is not about going backward..its about moving forward.. I'm ready to move on with the path that I choose and be positive with it :))) Instead of this.. I will always LOVE you !!!

Being respect or respect other

Respect. Who do not want to be respect by others. It is a level of showing that you are ahead of other people. But is it so??? How to be respect than??

As an educator we demand respect from students, can we gain respect without demand it from them? The answer is YES! How?! The only way you want people to respect you is that you need to respect them back. 

How an educator respect their students? Easy.... we can be firm with ourselves, not just with students. Lets take our education to a higher levels. Never underestimates students. Always on time, follow the rules, show positive attitude and patience.We always demands students to follow the time but do we do the same thing? Usually we will give excuse like we the one that decide the rules. In that way we have become immoral educator. No respect should be gain through it. I believe that educator and students are equal. No matter what you are, as long as you are human being you have the right to be respect, not to be bias by age, gender, race, status, and etc. Each of us have feelings and responsible towards each other.

It's time ...

Lately I've been thinking and calm myself with the changes around me. In each time something happened I might be a little bit panic and unsure with things to do. However, in the deepest thought I have clearly understood. Feelings will always change, thou you might said you will always stay the same but the feeling still disappeared. Sometimes, we will wonder why certain things happened to us, other times we will think to be more mature and denied the facts. Thus, we hurt our own feeling with that. I always believed in good or bad to be honest with myself and learned to appreciate things I still have left with me. Life is not just about ourselves but also others.. Therefore we are responsible to be kind  to others and help as much as possible. Love wont come easily but it can be build. :)

too little too much

Fears caused by something fierce. It's been a cold day this 2 days. I'm not sure is it the weather or is it me. Unable to digest the heat of the sunlight. Looking gloomy and unsure with decision making. Making decision that I wish I will not regret someday.I change my options of dress, change the menu of my favourite dishes,  change the colour of my lipsticks.Pretending to be something different, thou I may not be OK right now but soon I will be fine I just have to believe myself. Being insulted by other people that you may never know maybe something that I need to experience it. Therefore I must be strong and bare with it, thou come to think about it I'm still not able to digest the mistakes which I'm not sure what it is. But because of my existing this thing happen. I'm not able to blame anyone but myself. How ashamed I am with myself that I caused troubles     to other.It is not something that I wish or purposely did. If I ever did those kind of unforgiving mistakes, I am truly sorry. 

Deeper than it seem

I took a deep breath. Ignoring all the calls I got. I'm sorry dear friend.. I'm just not in the moment of talking to anyone. Trying to calm my self with this pain. The feeling that I never wish anybody else to taste it. Let me carry all the broken heart and the pain... Let me carry all..I may not look strong but I will not loose my spirit.. I have loose my will, my heart, my love,my vision and my way.. Yet I'm still breathing..thou it seem hard.. I try to breath it slowly. I know I might cry in the middle of the night thinking how the way turn up.. scared of the silence.. the long duration of paused.. but what hurt the most is being so close yet unable to reach it.. I am not ashamed of crying when I think of you, I could walk in the rain that don't bother me, Each time I pretend not loving you..it hurt the most..have so much to say and watching you walked away..Probably the best thing I will ever be is a memory. 

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have

I still remember the first time we went out together..I'm wearing a red shirt..you were wearing a maroon shirt. That is the moment when all this dramas came. The time we shares..the time I cried..the time we made jokes..It is all about the moment of being together. I never thought this day would come, you are the one apart of me.. I have to let go.. letting you go.. it burns and kill me inside..deep down I pray there still some smiles left for me..the memories that I wish you will never erase..This moment the feeling without you being on my side torn me apart...but I know the road that you choose did not heading towards me.. I'm just a coward that scared to face the reality..lost in the depth of my own illusion and believe, difficult enough to trust another chance when all I want is keeping all the moment. I may not be strong..but even so... there will be no choice for me.. if facing the reality alone is scary enough?? I believe so... but that is the only road that I have in this moment.....However it is still a pending farewell for me... I'm truly sorry...